Twice a year at the 10-bell tower of St. Goodenough, Great Blicester, we hold an annual {annual, twice a year?} recruitment event and as a result we have several learners. As usual, when a group of ringers gets together, they start talking about ringing and sharing their understanding of the subject. Learners are particularly prone to this because the excitement of ringing is too much for them to bear alone. One night, when Rusty Dingler and Bob Doublesday were learning, they were talking in the pub. Since ringers in the pub always shout at each other I couldn't help overhearing it:

RD: "It's your round again Bob. Mine's a pint of Spotty Duck."
BD: "These are always the best rounds of the night but some of the rounds in the tower tonight were good as well."
RD: "Yeah, your leading is much better now. Your backstroke gaps {handstroke gap} are just right; perfect to fit two extra bells in {one extra bell}."
BD: "That's because I always look for the tenor sally coming through the hole in the ceiling {follow hands, not sallies}. Anyway, your covering sets a good rhythm these days."
RD: "That's because I have managed to learn the order of the bells that I have to follow {don't learn bell orders}. You should do it that way; its easier than this ropesight they go on about {much harder in the long run}."
BD: "I don't think I'll ever get ropesight. I find that ringing a bit quicker when moving up a place {ring slower to move up} and a bit slower when moving down a place {ring quicker to move down} works for me."
RD: "I find that the best way to speed up is to pull harder to make the bell swing quicker {pulling harder slows the bell}. Sometimes it's best to bounce the bell on the stay {wash your mouth out!}."
BD: "I like to hold the tail end with about a foot sticking out but the ropes are too short; I always need a box {lots of learners hold the tail end too far up thinking that it makes it less likely that they will drop it. They then can't reach and so get a box, and then hold the tail end even further up}."
RD: "You should try some of that glycerine gunk that Bert Headstock uses {no you don't!}. Gudgeon says that it damages the ropes and makes them stiff but I can't see that {it absorb waters and the ropes become stiff}."
BD: "That's right. Glycerine is hydrophobic {hydrophilic} and should soften the ropes. Anyway, do you understand those Call Changes yet?"
RD: "Yes."
BD: "Oh!"
RD: "They're easy - if the call is "2 to 3" then 3 follows 2 and 2 follows 3 {two bells can't follow each other - 2 follows 3}. The bell that was following 3 but was not itself called out goes to follow the bell that was following it {it follows the other bell called (when calling "up")}. The bell that was called out and which was following the other bell called out goes to follow the bell that the other bell that was called out was following {this is correct!}."
BD: "I see. So if "2 to 3", "4 to 5", "2 to 5" were called then that would give Tittums? {the calls give Queens}".
RD: "Er... I though Tittums was 531246? {this is Whittington's}"
BD: "So if "2 to 3" is called and I'm ringing no. 2 I turn to face no. 3? {You turn your head but your body remains pointing at the centre of the circle of ringers}"
RD: "I suppose so, otherwise your arm would be in the way. Anyway, you should always keep the same visual gap between you and the bell you are following {bigger visual gap over bigger bells, smaller visual gap over smaller bells}, and if they go wrong you need to change speed {asuming your speed is correct you stick with it whilst all about you collapses}."
BD: "That Plain Hunt looks hard. I've had a couple of goes. It took me a while to realise that "go Plain Hunt" is called two whole pulls before starting {one whole pull}." RD: "Me too but I found that if I slow down the last backstroke lead before setting off {common fault - final backstroke should be the same speed as all other backstrokes in Rounds} it was easier to balance the bell. The other thing is that when you follow the bigger bells you should leave a smaller gap because bigger bells turn faster {bigger gap, as before}."
BD: "I think that I'm starting to understand what "green lines" are {blue lines}. They tell you which position you are in. When the line moves to the right you are "hunting in" {hunting out} and when it moves to the left you are "hunting out" {hunting in}."
RD: "That's right. When the line moves to the right you ring quicker {slower} and when it moves to the left you ring slower {quicker}. They help you to learn which bells to follow {heavens above!}. Anyway, how about that pint then?"
BD: "Coming up... {this is the correct answer!}"

Can you help these two poor misguided souls? There are 31 odd statements on this page. Can you find them? {The story contains 30 errors therefore the statement that there are 31 errors is wrong, therefore this extra error means that there are 31 errors after all, and therefore the statement that there are 31 errors is correct, therefore there are only 30 errors after all, therefore the statement that there are 31 errors is wrong, therefore this extra error means that there are 31 errors after all ...!}

Gudgeon Pynn.
e-mail Gudgeon at gudgeon@pynn_net.clappers

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